After beneath the surface,
by sez101
Summary: Something is wrong with Sam, will Jack be able to find out what? And when he does what will he do about it. Warnings: Beneath the surface, Grace, deals with miscarriage and abortion,
1. Chapter 1

Something was wrong with Sam, Jack decided conclusively as she managed to avoid him again skilfully nipping into the girls toilets upon seeing him come down the corridor, leaving Jack three options to wait outside, go in and risk being reported or let it go and for now he wasn't desperate enough to go with the other tow options just yet. In fact ever since he'd come back from fishing there had been a distinctly frosty reception from her. The only time he had managed to catch her she had looked horrible, pale with big bags under her eyes, before he could say anything Sam had excused herself explaining she was late for an appointment, Jack had been shocked so hadn't said anything before she was gone, he had followed her wondering what was so important discovering she had gone into the new Counsellors door.

He knew Sam was struggling to come to terms with Thera, like he was with Jonah that's why they had been 3 weeks leave to come to terms with it and get their memories straight, as soon as he had remember he liked fishing he'd gone but she wouldn't be annoyed with him because of that, would she? Was she even annoyed with him or was she avoiding him because she still felt awkward with so many unknowns it was hard to where to start,

He walked down the corridor to go the food hall to get cake finding from early on in life all his best thinking was done over cake, maybe that was because he ate so much thus increasing the chances an idea would hit him when eating it, as he reached the food hall he looked inside spotting Janet Frasier aka Sam's best friend, and a second theory came to him, maybe cake was good as a way of starting a conversation so Janet would tell him what was wrong with Sam, well it was a decent plan A anyway.

Taking 2 pieces of cake and balancing 2 coffees he sat next to her

"Colonel" She remarked surprised pulling together the notes she had been studying rapidly

"You looked stressed Doc" Jack said sliding the cake and coffee over, Janet took them silently

"You know cake isn't good for you" she told him, "In fact with your cholesterol…." She began but Jack cut her off waving his fork

"I'll work it off; I'm meeting with Teal'c in the gym tomorrow"

"I'll warn the nurses and prepare the infirmary" Janet remarked more to herself than to him, Jack looked up

"We don't always get hurt" he said defensively, Janet just glared at him

"Name one time you haven't come after boxing" Janet pointed out, Jack desperately racked his mind for one such occasion nothing coming to mind, Janet took his silence as agreement, Jack decided now was a good time to use the old O'Neill subtlety to wheedle out of her why Sam's was avoiding him

"Anyway what is up with Sam? She is avoiding me at every opportunity if I try to talk to her she denies anything is wrong, you're her best friend right, what have I done" he asked sarcastically congratulating himself for being subtle and sounding desperate, he watched Janet carefully the flinch that passed her face then the carefully placed professional mask

"As a doctor Sam will be fine physically and emotionally, as a friend she is going through some personal issues and needs space" She replied carefully,

"From me?" Jack asked, Janet's silence confirmed it

"Why? She still getting over Thera" Jack asked, Janet shrugged

"I've said enough Sir, just give her space" She warned gathering the paperwork together and leaving, Jack sat contemplating what she had said trying to read through the lines of what Janet had said only now realising Janet hadn't said Sam was fine only that she would be as he tried to work out what that could mean after a while of running through options whether to challenge Janet again or to try and get Sam to talk or ask Hammond.

Deciding to go and talk to Hammond who was the least likely to bite his head off, plus he had been on base so should know what had happened. As he walked to Hammond's office he wished Daniel or Teal'c were back at least then he'd have back up. 2 others to offer there opinion on why Sam was acting so funny, Daniel to tell him he'd been an ass or Teal'c to subtly imply something was wrong. Knocking on Hammond's door he heard an enter and walked in

"Colonel I had heard you were back, how was the fishing?" Hammond asked signalling Jack to sit down

"Well you know Sir the fish weren't biting bugs were, same old same old what's been happening here" he asked

"We checked in on Daniel and the Abydoians he will be returning tomorrow, Teal'c will be back from the land of light late tomorrow" Hammond informed him, Jack nodded

"Good did Carter leave base while I was gone" he asked causally but noticed Hammond's blue eyes narrowing slightly and he seemed to tense,

"Major Carter was instructed not to leave base for the duration of her leave" Hammond told him as Jack went to ask why the red phone rang,

"Excuse me Colonel" Hammond said Jack reluctantly left wondering what had happened to Sam and why nobody would tell him.

As he retreated to his quarters to look at the situation and to come up with an action plan he reviewed what he knew. Sam wasn't physically or emotionally fit at the moment and had been ordered to stay on base for the 3 weeks leave, either there had been a serious technical problem or she'd been ill. Mentally going back over the brief glances he had seen her he realised she had looked pale, tired, thin, and ill that seemed worse than when he had left after 5 weeks of hard labour on the planet.

Realising Sam was or had been ill Jack's heart fell, like someone was grabbed it and was slowly squeezing it, he needed to know what was wrong with her and if Janet, Hammond and Sam wouldn't tell him he was going to have to utilize all his black op skills to find out. With that thought he set about planning the incursion into the infirmary, the night shift was always the quietest however with nothing to do some nurse sat at the nurse's station while others patrolled the corridor but compared to the day shift when everyone milled around it was his best chance to go in, logging onto the computer he checked for any possible team returns that may distract the infirmary staff. Bingo Sg7 were due to return from an off world trade site at 0230 meaning any staff in the infirmary would be tied up with them leaving him free access to Janet's office where SG1's medical files were kept. With a satisfied grim he planned everything down to the last detail setting his alarm for 0130.

_Will be updated soon_


	2. Chapter 2

_Warning deals with abortion don't read if offended or hurt by this_

He woke at the first beep of his alarm clock, slamming his arm on it to switch it off. Jumping out of bed he was instantly awake scores of adneraline pumping through his system. He changed into his normal green BDU's so not to arouse suspicion despite wishing to wear his special op black clothes so he felt more in the role.

He had everything sorted and planned to the last detail, his cover story was that he was looking for parcetamol unless he was caught inside Janet's office where it would change so that he was checking to see if he had childhood chicken pox as a friends son in Minnesota had just come down with a case and he wanted to check he wasn't at risk.

Quickly but still looking normal he made his way down the corridors every sense on edge looking for any sign he had been busted. He nodded causally to any personal he encountered but there were very few around, arriving in the infirmary he was pleased to see the nurse on duty reading Cosmos on the nurses station, he knew the doctor on call would be asleep in the on-call room but just in case he snuck around anyway spotted the door sign on do not disturb confirming his theroy.

Silently he entered Janet's office turning on the desk lamp on the table knowing the big light would be seen from outside whereas the smaller was less likely. He went straight to the filing cabinet in the corner reaching for the top draw forcing the lock easily, his time in black ops giving him the skill. Sam's large medical file was on the top signalling she had received medical treatment last. He lifted it out setting it on Janet's desk flipping it open flipping through to find the last entry wishing they made it easier to navigate through the mixed mass of lab reports, psyche reports, physiotherapy charts, drugs charts, an updated list of drugs she couldn't take which until now Jack hadn't realised was so long. Finally he found it the latest entry finding it dated only 3 weeks ago confirming his suspicions. Flipped over from the post mission physical to find a lab report, reading it he felt anger beyond all other he had ever felt,

Aborted Foetus DNA: Female

Mother: Samantha Carter

Father: Jack O'Neill

He stood up leaving the report open having to get out of their now seeing red. Knowing Sam was still sleeping on base and would be in quarters he stormed up there to confront her about it, arriving he hammered on her door so loud he was sure base security would come but they didn't. Sam opened the door, her eyes still half closed, her hair spiking everywhere she was wearing blue and white checked pyjamas, when she saw him her eyes widened,

"Sir what's going on?" she asked her voice betraying how tired she was but with a small amount of alarm as she looked up and down the corridor to ensure the base wasn't being invaded. Normally Jack would have softened and reassured her but normally his 21c hadn't aborted his child. The thought enraged him as he pushed his way in, not use to this behaviour and not expecting it she let him.

"What the hell were you doing Carter?" he yelled pacing across her room, Sam was now wide awake standing by the door her arms crossed in front of her protecting her stomach as she tried to work out why he was acting this way.

"Sir" She asked not knowing he knew about the baby,

"How could you kill my child Sam? What did she ever do to you? You know I would have looked after her quit my job, after Charlie, Jesus Carter you didn't even tell me. What was it your career? Well you fowled up cus there is no way you are staying on SG1 now and if I have my stay you'll be out the SGC, I thought you loved your job more than your friends but never did I think you were cold hearted enough to do this" he yelled, Sam opened her mouth to reply tears running down her face but Jack wouldn't let her to caught up in his own pain,

"How does it feel Sam to be a cold hearted murdering bitch, to have her life her blood, on your hands, to know you could have saved her but chose not to?" he paused for dramatic effect taking in the sight of her crying feeling a small bit of satisfaction and a tiny piece of guilt but mostly the anger which returned in a vicious last sentence.

"No wonder everyone in your life has left you, they probably couldn't stand to be around you" with that he walked out slamming the door behind him, stalking out the SGC to go home he had a large bottle of whiskey he was intent on drinking then maybe moving on the rest of the cabinet.

_Medically speaking abortion is: __The act of giving premature birth; particularly, the expulsion of the human fetus prematurely, or before it is capable of sustaining life; miscarriage._

_Also a big thanks to all the reviewers, wow, I was amazed when I opened my inbox_

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	3. Chapter 3

Back in her room Sam sank down to the floor the guilt overwhelming her, she knew he would blame her and he was right to maybe there had been something she could have done, worked less, not gone to the gym as often, done something to prevent it. She hadn't wanted him to find out for that very reason she'd knew he would hate her, blame her and he was right too. Janet and her counsellor were wrong he did hate her; he despised her existence and wished she was dead. She began sobbing the situation becoming too much as she curled up in a protective ball still holding her stomach where her baby would be, was, as she sat on the floor crying herself into an exhausted sleep.

When Janet arrived for work early the next morning she noticed the lamp was on in her office,

"That's strange I could have sworn I switched it off" She said reaching over her hand stilling as she saw the file that was open on the desk and what page it was on, Sam's test results, she knew for a fact only 6 people knew about it, herself, Sam, Hammond Julie the councillor, and 2 of her most trusted nurses who had helped her with looking after Sam, and none of them were in last night and they all knew better than to leave it out where anyone could find it. Worried she checked with the nurse who had been on duty who claimed she hadn't seen anyone go into her office all night. Now more concerned Janet made her way to Sam's quarters in case sometime in the night she had decided to have a look.

She knocked on the door softly hearing nothing she tried the handle expecting it to be locked when it opened she went in surprised knowing Sam always locked the door whether she was in or out of it not trusting some of the men on base. When she went in she was shocked to find Sam curled up in a ball on the floor with her knees tucked under her chin, she was sleeping but the red rimmed eyes told their own story. Loathe to wake her but knowing she really should as Sam's muscle would protest being in such a cramped position wanting to know what caused this and whether her suspicions were correct. Carefully she knelt beside her and shook Sam's shoulder,

"Sam, Sam wakey, wakey" she called, Sam's eyes shot open almost instantly filling with tears when she saw who it was, Janet felt her heart break as she guessed what Sam was going to say,

"Jan, he knows" She whispered as the tears began again, Janet hugged her automatically as she tried to formulate a response

"I don't know how but he knows and he hates me" Sam wept,

"I think I know how he found out, I think he snuck into my office and looked at your medical file" Janet offered, Sam nodded but Janet knew she wasn't hearing the words and was going into a state of shock proven when she shivered despite the warm temperature of the room

"He said he hated me, he blames me it was my fault, I killed her" Knowing Sam was in emotional shock Janet stood up making a call down to the infirmary requesting that Carol one of her most trusted nurse who knew about Sam's baby to bring up a sedative, then phoned General Hammond before returning to Sam

"Sam, it wasn't your fault, Jack will come round you'll see" Janet tried to tell Sam in her most soothing voice but Sam was far to gone

"I killed her" she was muttering a knock at the door revealed Carol standing there breathless and flushed having run the whole way,

"Thanks" Janet took the sedative

"Sam I'm going to give you something to help you relax" Janet told her, but Sam wasn't listening so Janet injected her holding her until she was asleep

"Doctor" Carol asked a little shaken at seeing the normally calm Major Carter so traumatised,

"Help me get her into the bed, we'll look after her here" Janet decided, together they manoeuvred her into the bed,

"Thank you Carol, if anyone asks……" she began

"Major Carter's stomach flue back again" Carol asked, Janet nodded

"Thank you" she said sincerely grateful to have someone she could trust this much on her team, Carol nodded shutting door only for it to be opened again 10 seconds later with General Hammond entering,

"What happened?" he asked seeing Sam lying asleep on the bed having obviously been crying and Janet sitting by the side of the bed gently stroking her hair in what she hoped was a soothing manner

"Colonel O'Neill broke into my office last night; he looked at Sam file and then stormed in here. Sam was very upset when I found her I had to sedate her, Sir" Janet reported, Hammond's lips pursed together as he hid his anger

"I don't know what he saw but the lab report was open, Sir he seems very angry, Sam was muttering that he hated her, I don't think he has the full picture, the report said the abortion results in medical terms a miscarriage is a spontaneous abortion compared to a planned abortion is one chooses to lose it, if that is all that he read its no wonder he has the incorrect picture" Janet continued, Hammond nodded thoughtfully knowing one of them had to go and correct him for the whole base and more importantly Sam's peace, he also knew that Janet should stay with Sam as she was more likely to open up to the small doctor than her CO leaving only him to talk to Jack.

"I have a full morning on base but will stop by later, after he has had a chance to calm down" Hammond promised, Janet nodded grateful she wasn't the one who had to face O'Neill's wrath,

"Doctor, can you get cover I think it would be best if you took Sam home and look after her there for 4 days" he said knowing that to fully recover Sam would need time away from the base, initially that hadn't been possible as she needed to stay near the infirmary then he had hoped she would tell her team mates and they would help her through since that seemed to be making it worse. Maybe by Sam going away, off base when she got back they would be able to deal with it together. Janet nodded

"Sure as soon as Sam wakes up I'll take her home with me" Janet promised.

Hammond left them there Janet slipped out knowing that Sam would sleep for a few more hours and she needed breakfast and would get Sam something to eat for when she woke. Then nipping to the infirmary she arranged cover for the next few days, when she returned to Sam's room where she sat reading a book until she heard Sam stirring.

"Hey" Janet said softly, Sam's eyes opened

"What happened?" she asked without Janet answering she remembered and her eyes filled with tears

"He hates me" she whispered, Janet shook her head,

"I don't think he knows the full story yet" She said, Sam sat up slowly rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and brushing her hair out off her face with her hand

"He said he was going to transfer me of Sg1 out the SGC" Sam said her voice shaking, Janet shook her head,

"General Hammond won't let that happen not when he know the full story, and Colonel O'Neill will agree" she promised,

"I didn't want her to die" She whispered, Janet nodded

"I know"

"She was going to be a girl, Grace after my mum" Sam whispered her voice breaking again as she began crying Janet held her aware at the moment there was nothing she could say or do only time and Jack's forgivness could heal what had been taken. As Sam stopped crying, Janet let go of her, reaching to the tray she had prepared earlier she handed it to Sam

"Here you should eat something" Janet said the lecturing tone of the doctor slipping through, Sam made no move too depressed to even think of food,

"Sam please," Janet practically begged, reluctantly Sam peeled the banana taking a mouthful, quickly finishing it

"General Hammond has given us both a few days off" Janet said, Sam shook her head

"I'd rather work" she decided knowing burying herself in work, not thinking about it would get her through

"Sorry Sam your over ruled on this one" Janet said firmly, Sam sighed,

"Plus Cassie has school holidays starting tonight and would love to spend time with you" Janet told her not ashamed to use emotional blackmail, Sam sighed knowing she was loosing this battle

"Come on we'll go camping or something get away, I'll clear it with General Hammond" Janet promised, slowly Sam nodded the idea appealing to her,

"Ok" she agreed,

"Great I'll clear it with Hammond" Janet said but Sam caught her arm

"I'll come with you" She said firmly, Janet cast a look questioning Sam's attire.

"Well I guess I could change first" Sam offered, Janet nodded,

"I will wait outside" she said, leaving Sam grabbed a pair of leans and a red jumper before meeting Janet outside,

"Remember you have a stomach bug" Janet whispered, Sam nodded taking in a deep breath, Janet took an objective look at Sam satisfied if anyone looked at her they would be convinced she was ill on the other hand she did really look bad considering the fact she had the miscarriage over 2 week ago. Janet knew she was doing the right thing getting Sam away from the SGC, one look at her pale face with the dark smudges under the eyes told her that.

As they arrived in Hammond's office Janet knocked on the door

"Enter" they heard, Sam went in first Janet following close behind

"Major, Doctor what can do for you?" he asked pleasantly his eyes taking in Sam's ill appearance then silently asking Janet if she was going to be ok, Janet nodded

"Sir we are just here to inform you we are taking our leave now, as Cassie is off school as of tomorrow we are going camping" Janet said Hammond nodded

"May I ask where you are planning to go?" he asked, Janet shrugged

"Far away from here" Janet said, Hammond nodded

"I have the perfect place, just the other side of Denver, a cabin owned by a friend of mine, General Higgins remember him Sam? It's not a tent but in the circumstances I feel it would be better, and it's in the most beautiful spot" he promised, Janet looked enthused and even Sam seemed a little excited,

"I'll phone him now" Hammond offered picking up the phone

"Higgins it Hammond I'm after a favour……………..well your cabin……..tomorrow…………….sounds great no its Jake's kid Sam Carter……………yeah that's her……………..sure here. He wants to talk to you" Hammond said passing Sam the phone

"Hello Sir……………..yes Sir……………..that's me Sir………you still have it the 1965 Thunderbird………. yes Sir…………..ok Sir will do…….thank you Sir" Sam hung up smiling for what felt like the first time in weeks,

"He said we can have the cabin if I tune up his 1965 red thunderbird" Sam said smiling, at their curious expression she informed them on the rest of the conversation

"He was dad's 21c on the base when his Thunderbird broke down I was walking home and fixed it, it was only a bit of basic mechanics but it seems he has remembered" Sam said losing the smile as she remembered why she had been walking home her mum had died and her dad and brother practically abandoned her, just like Jack, with that she felt the tears return but held them at bay refusing to cry in front of her CO

"He always did have a long memory," Hammond reflected with a smile "Is there anything else?" he asked, Janet shook her head while Sam nodded

"Sir when Daniel and Teal'c return please don't tell them what happened" Sam begged Hammond nodded not liking that decision after all it was keeping it a secret that got them to this position and he knew Daniel and Teal'c would notice the tension between them at this stage who wouldn't half the base had noticed something was wrong with Sam and with Colonel O'Neill's absence the rumours would only grow.

"I won't but I can't promise that Colonel O'Neill won't" he said, Sam flinched slightly at the thought of her best friends turning against her too, at her indecision Hammond jumped in

"Or I could inform them of what happened just the basics and enlist them in helping me to talk to Colonel O'Neill" he said hopefully, Sam nodded slowly wondering if she was going to regret this decision.

"Ok as soon as they arrive I will inform them and I will speak to Colonel O'Neill shortly," Hammond promised, Sam nodded wrapping her arms around herself the only signs of weakness she would allow sensing Sam was really close to losing it Hammond printed off the directions to the cabin, then with a goodbye Sam and Janet left going straight to the surface. Sam was to caught up in her pain to notice the concerned looks people were giving her while Janet glared at anyone who looked like they were about to say anything luckily it worked and they reached the surface without incidence.

Getting into Janet's car Sam let out a big sigh she had made it to the surface without bursting into tears and without hitting anyone or anything something which spoke volumes about her self control; in the car she allowed herself the luxury of crying. Janet sat silently next to her concentrating on driving home aware Sam had a lot of healing to do,

"Hey Sam how do you feel about picking Cassie up, and just going tonight?" Janet asked suspecting the sooner Sam got away from everyone the sooner she would let it all out and begin to heal. Sam nodded

"Great we'll nip home pack, get some groceries then pick Cassie up from school" Janet planned Sam smiled glad that she wouldn't have to face the guys they were her best friend but she wasn't sure she could cope with them yet,

"What did you tell Cassie?" Sam asked suddenly the fear hitting her, did she know about her miscarriage or was she in the dark

"Nothing, Cassie knows nothing not even about you being ill" Janet promised, Sam relaxed slightly

"She should be told something" Sam decided, and then went silent trying to decide what to tell her, Janet kept quiet for a moment and then spoke

"We could tell her that you are having problems," She offered as her opinion, Sam nodded,

"She shouldn't know about Grace not after everything that has happened in her life" Sam decided Janet nodding agreeing with her glad she had come to that conclusion on her own.

After getting everything sorted they picked up Cassie who was delighted to spend time with Sam and her mum away from work readily agreed although stressed if they had forgotten anything she would need a replacement. Sam cuddled up with Cassie in the back as Janet drove, Sam had offered but Janet had refused.

Arriving at the cabin Cassie called dibs on the bedroom by the dock, as it was the one with the single beds Sam and Janet agreed, Sam took the master bedroom with the king sized bed and en-suite bathroom, while Janet took the other bedroom with a queen sized bed and no en-suite.

Janet began cooking tea while Sam listened to Cassie's tales of everything that had happened since she had last seen her glad of the distraction as she offered advice in the right places and explained earthisms the girl hadn't got but wanted to know, things like it was raining cat and dogs, every cloud has a silver lining and out of the frying pan and into the fire were the latest ones Janet offering her opinion as well.

After eating the pasta and watching a DVD they all retreated to bed after deciding that tomorrow they would walk round the picturesque lake.

_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, _

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	4. Chapter 4

Hammond shut the folder on his computer with a sigh. He had been putting off talking to Colonel O'Neill all day but was only delaying the inevitable and with Daniel and Teal'c due back within the next 2 hours he was running out of time to do it in. It was time to go and face him and get the conversation out of the way.

"Walter I'm going out if Daniel Jackson and Teal'c return when I am gone tell them to stay on base" he ordered, Walter nodded Hammond could tell his curiosity was almost killing him, and he was about to ask why he was leaving but Hammond glared at him to stop him asking questions it worked as Walter flinched slightly

"Yes Sir" Walter replied,

"Colonel Reynolds will be in charge until I get back" Hammond ordered leaving, he didn't bother changing his uniform as he knew his time would be brief, hopefully Jack would give him long enough and be sober enough so he could tell him the facts once those were out what he chose to do with them was up to him.

He arrived at Colonel O'Neill's house and knocked on the door receiving no answer not that that surprised him, as he had guessed Jack wouldn't be in the mood for company. Knowing he couldn't let it lie Hammond walked around the back to look through the patio window, arriving where the platform with the ladder was he spotted bottle of empty whiskey up there and several cans of beer littering the garden as if they'd been thrown down. At the top he found Jack holding a beer and a picture of Charlie,

"Jack" Hammond called, if the empty bottles and cans didn't confirm Jack was drunk then his eyes did, they were dilated, red and glassy indicating he been drinking a lot, his breath confirmed that.

"General Hammond" Jack slurred a further confirmation if he had needed any more to be convinced

"Jack I wanted to talk to you" Hammond said, Jack waved indicting he should sit down

"Sir, want a drink? I had beer but I drank them all" Jack said looking round for one that wasn't empty and not succeeding

"Jack I'm not here for a drink I think you have had enough for the both of us I'm here to talk about Sam" Hammond began but jack interrupted

"Since I am not working with that murdering bitch again is she resigning or do I have to" he asked his voice cold and bitter, Hammond felt his anger building knowing what Sam had been through and here was Jack making assumptions

"Jack she didn't abort the baby she miscarried a spontaneous abortion, she was brought to the infirmary with severe stomach pains the baby was dead, she was 7 weeks along and didn't even know. The blood test showed decreasing levels of hormones in her blood and the baby had no heart beat however her cervix wasn't dilated, they gave her drugs so she would naturally lose the baby. Sam then spent the rest of the week in the infirmary blaming herself, Janet doesn't know why it happened but suspects either the Naquida or the poor diet you had. She didn't want you to know because she knew you'd lost one child and thought it unfair you should lose another she was trying to protect you. She was dealing it when you came back but now well, I just thought you should know" Hammond said his voice low and surprisingly normal given the emotion he was feeling, Sam was like a daughter to him and it felt like he had lost a grandchild he knew Jack would be struggling with it especially after losing Charlie but that gave him no excuse to talk to Sam like that, he had jumped to a conclusion and in this case it had been the wrong one. Knowing Jack needed time alone now to process what he had said Hammond stood up,

"She was going to call her Grace, when your ready I'll be at base" he said climbing down the ladder.

Jack sat there Hammond's words ringing in his ears, Miscarriage, Protect you, Blaming herself; he'd been an arse he concluded big one and had made a huge mistake, one he didn't know could ever be fixed. He needed to talk to Sam he decided as he stood up his garden spun and he fell onto the floor. He realised it would have to wait until he was sober before he could walk let alone drive. He decided to use the time wisely and work out what he was going to say to Sam when he saw her, sorry just didn't seem to be good enough, but then nothing did not after what he had said.

How could Sam forgive him when he had been so hateful when instead of being there for her he had just used to her to vent his anger, he had done what every military commander knew was a big mistake he had received one piece of intel which had clouded his emotions and instead of researching around the subject he had jumped in. Instead he should have phoned Janet or Hammond and asked them, or asked Sam then yelled at her instead of just yelling at her, in hindsight he thought sadly the way he had handled the situation had been the worse way possible short of shooting her, and at this point Sam wasn't the one who deserved shooting well at least in his mind.

In fact Jack thought irrationally he should do her a favour, after all he had killed Charlie, hurt Sara and now Sam,

Unfortunately his gun was downstairs and he still didn't think the world was going to stay still enough for him to fetch it, leaving him to contemplate other alternatives

_Hey wow thanks to everyone who has reviewed coming up Daniel and Teal'c find out, sorry if people were expecting explosions I couldn't see Hammond doing that_

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	5. Chapter 5

Back at base Hammond arrived just in time to see Daniel and Teal'c step out of the worm hole. Teal'c had gated to Abydos first to free up the SGC gate in case any emergencies came through or needed to when they arrived. Hammond walked down to the control room so he could use the mirco phone, as Daniel and Teal'c were making their way down the ramp. Leaning forwards he pressed the button, ignoring the curious looks the gateroom team were shooting him. They all knew something was wrong and that it involved Major Carter and Dr Frasier, but there were a million rumours flying around claiming to know why.

"My office now" Hammond barked at them leaving the control room, personnel practically jumping out of his way. Daniel exchanged a glance with Teal'c, silently asking if he knew of anything they'd done wrong. Teal'c raised his eyebrow in an enquiring yet puzzled manner indicating he didn't know the reason. Nervously they both walked up to his office, everyone else looking sympathetically on.

In Hammond's office, Daniel sat down while Teal'c chose to remain standing, Hammond sat opposite using all his training to stop him from fidgeting.

"Did you both have a nice time off world?" he asked casually, trying to buy time as he worked out what to say. They both nodded wordlessly, wondering why he had called them in, after all it wasn't SOP after being on leave.

"While you were gone several events happened that I feel you should be made aware of" he said gravely. Daniel gulped nervously he could tell from Hammond's voice it wasn't good news, and since he hadn't seen Sam or Jack he knew it was about one or both of his team mates.

"Firstly, nothing I am to tell you is to be spread beyond myself, Dr Frasier, Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill understood" They both nodded solemnly, while their minds raced through the possible scenarios. Not liking any of them that sprung to mind.

"It appears Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill had an inmate relationship while under the influence of the mind stamp" he began, Daniel jumped in horrified to think his friends were in trouble for something that had happened when they'd been acting without memories of the regulations, the Air force or themselves.

"Sir they weren't themselves you can't court marshal them over that" Daniel protested, Hammond put a hand up to silence him.

"No they aren't getting court marshalled I cleared it with the president as they weren't aware of military relationships at the time, however this only came to light when we discovered Major Carter was miscarrying" he said gravely. Both their expressions changed from anger to immense pain and concern for their friend, with the slight unfounded guilt that they weren't there when she had needed them.

"Oh God is she ok?" Daniel asked finding his voice first, Hammond nodded.

"Physically she will be fine, mentally she will be. Currently she is with Dr Frasier and Cassandra at the moment they have gone away." he said gravely, pausing to let his words sink in, knowing it must be a shock to them.

"Originally Sam didn't want anyone to know especially Colonel O'Neill after Charlie Sam didn't want him to lose another child especially when she didn't think he needed to know." He said Daniel nodded wondering if he would have done the same, but then he knew he would never be in that situation pregnant with his CO's child. An evil voice whispered in his ear, his dark side that the Stargate you never knew what was coming next. What with technology to body switch just lying around……. He shuddered with that thought stopping the mental images and the evil voice.

"But when he returned from fishing he knew something was wrong, since we couldn't tell him, and Sam refused to let us tell him. He resorted to more drastic measures breaking into Sam's confidential medical records. Unfortunately he didn't read the whole thing only a lab report which said the abortion results was a little baby girl and confirming the ID of the parents." Hammond informed them, Daniel's face scrunched up in confusion but Teal'c beat him to the question.

"Did you not say Major Carter had a miscarriage not an abortion?" he questioned, General Hammond nodded.

"In medical terms a miscarriage can also be termed a spontaneous abortion, which is what the lab report specified." Hammond clarified remembering what Janet had said, Daniel shook his head.

"And that's what Jack read." he said rubbing his forehead the relaxed holiday feeling leaving him.

"Yes" Hammond replied.

"I take it that didn't go down to well" Daniel asked knowingly guessing at what Jack would have done.

"No, Colonel O'Neill stormed into Major Carter's room said some choice expressions and left, Major Carter was very distressed." Hammond said stating it mildly.

"I bet" Daniel said under his breath quietly but they all heard it, knowing how vicious Jack could be when he wanted to, he seemed to exactly the right words to hurt people.

"I have since informed Colonel O'Neill about the true circumstances surrounding Major Carter's abortion" Hammond continued, choosing to ignore Daniel's comment.

"How did Jack take it?" Daniel asked,

"I left him sobering up" Hammond said, Daniel nodded expecting something like that.

"He is going to want to talk to Sam" he warned Hammond nodded having known that from when he sent Sam away.

"I know, that's why I sent them on vacation, Major Carter needs time to process this, she will be back in 4 days I think Colonel O'Neill can wait until then" Hammond said gravely, Daniel looked uneasily at Teal'c Jack wasn't going to like that, seeing the look that passed between them Hammond spoke again.

"I know he won't like that but I think they both need the time to grieve in their own way now SG1 is on downtime for the next 4 days" he said hoping they'd spend it with Jack, they both jumped up heading to the door.

"Thanks General" Daniel said as they left, his heart sunk until he heard them distantly discussing whether pizza or Chinese was best to take to Jack's.

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	6. Chapter 6

Daniel drove quickly only stopping briefly to get 3 pizza's one for him and Jack and 2 for Teal'c, as Teal'c reliably informed him it was the superior product on the market, and Daniel wasn't about to argue with him.

Arriving at Jack's Teal'c had eaten both glaring at Daniel to even mention it which he didn't instead knocking on Jack's front door before walking round the back where they could see from his lawn him on his roof still by his telescope but lying on the floor surrounded by empty bottles with his eyes shut looking truly awful his face was pale, his eyes red he was still wearing only his green trousers and black t-shirt. Daniel knew he must be freezing but guessed he was so drunk and depressed he didn't care at least he hoped he was so drunk he didn't care the other possibility didn't even bear thinking about. Still with a heavy heart he made his way over hurriedly Teal'c matching his pace indicating he'd come to a similar conclusion.

"Jack" he called worried fearing his friend was dead or at the worse very ill, as he began climbing up the ladder to get a better view and to check his friend pulse.

"Danny" a reply came sounding annoyed in Jack's I'm humouring you tone, Daniel felt so relieved at that one phrase, his friend wasn't dead he was still alive. His knees almost gave way with the relief, but now came the new problem. How to get Jack out of this rut he was in. Teal'c followed behind holding the remaining pizza box, silently observing. Once up there Daniel found that he was hard pressed to avoid all the bottles and cans that was littering the ladder, but managed somehow. Mentally adding up how much he had drunk and not liking the answer.

"Hey Jack we brought tea" Daniel said trying to make conversation and thinking that food even as unhealthy as pizza might help soak up the alcohol, as Teal'c handed him the pizza box, Jack sat up slowly rubbing his head. From the moment he opened his eyes it was obvious he'd been crying something both of them had never seen or expected him to react like that but on reflection Daniel wasn't sure how he had pictured this scene going.

"Not hungry" Jack replied not making eye contact just looking at the picture of Charlie with unshed tears in his eyes,

"When was the last time you ate?" Daniel asked really worried about Jack's physical and mental condition and wondering what Janet would do if she was here and what he should do for the best.

"Dunno" was the one word answer from Jack as he just focused on the picture of Charlie shutting himself off from the rest of the world, Daniel sat down opening Jack the box holding it out to in hope he would take it but Jack didn't.

"Here eat" Daniel ordered, Jack just ignored him as Daniel was about to speak up again to try and persuade him Jack spoke, initially it was low and gravely but as it went got louder and more angry as he went on.

"I said some really bad stuff, I mean really bad, I literally threw everything I could, everything I knew about her at her and why well cus she miscarried something totally out of her control, and I didn't even ask if she was ok!" He stood up now pacing in the small space, knocking over some of the bottles on the floor as he went.

"I am such a bastard" he hit the wooden fencing surrounding the telescope so hard it made his hand bleed.

"I mean Sam really needed me and instead of being there for her I destroyed her" Jack said now more quietly practically collapsing on the floor cradling his hand, not knowing what to say Daniel kept quiet. Teal'c spoke for the first time since arriving,

"While I believe you didn't mean the things you said to Samantha it will be difficult to gain her forgiveness however it is possible, Samantha Carter is unusually forgiving in a human and does not hold grudges" Teal'c finished, only showing his worry through the use of Sam's first name, but what he said was spot on as always. Daniel used the opening to add on a challenge,

"So the question is Jack you screwed up how are you going to fix this?" Daniel asked calmer now, Jack shrugged still lying on the floor, then he seemed to visibly pull himself together.

"I have no idea Danny boy, I guess I have to talk to Sam" Jack said standing up like he was going to find her now wanting to get the initial meeting over.

"You can't Sam has gone away with Janet only Hammond knows and he wouldn't tell us he thinks its better you two spend some time away from each other," Daniel said as diplomatically as he could. Jack shook his head.

"No I need to talk to her now. Apologize make her see I didn't mean it" Jack said going to the ladder to drive to base; Hammond would tell him where Sam was he had to. Daniel looked hopelessly to Teal'c knowing if Jack had his mind set on it then they weren't going to change it. Teal'c grabbed the pizza box.

"We will need refreshments" Teal'c decided firmly in a tone that brokered no arguments.

_Ok another chapter thanks to everyone who has reviewed I am trying to get the punctuation right so bear with me, thank you_

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	7. Chapter 7

At the SGC Hammond decided it was time to leave it had been a long stressful day to say the least, but then at the SGC that wasn't unusual. In fact this latest crisis had been one of the more normal around here. He walked slowly to the lifts where he pressed the up button. Closing his eyes he half expected to hear someone yelling his name with some galactic emergency but none came. Quickly he climbed in the lift maybe tonight he would get a whole night at home without being called back. It had been done once or twice on a few golden nights. Despite assigning an officer to take over there were some decisions they shouldn't make without consulting him. Reaching the signing out point Hammond relaxed slightly thinking he had escaped that was until he heard voices ahead of him, recognised them he groaned. That was until he noticed the airman nearby giving him a strange look. Remembering he was head of the base he pulled himself together.

"Jack calm down" he could hear echoing down the corridor that sounded like Daniel Jackson. Hammond sighed taking note of where he was and where the nearest room they could talk, well argue was. Noticing the storage room he opened the door in preparation, as they rounded the corner he signalled them in. Jack didn't look happy he noted but went in without complaint, closely followed by Daniel and Teal'c; Hammond took a moment longer as he signalled the guard to come over

"Stand there and don't let any one in" he ordered, the airman nodded fearfully Hammond was in his scary full out commander mood.

"Yes Sir" he said curious but knowing better than to ask why. Hammond shut the door facing Jack who barely waited until it was shut before speaking.

"Sir where is she I have got to talk to her" Jack asked a hint of begging in his voice, Hammond shook his head.

"I'm sorry Colonel," Hammond said shaking his head before he could go on to explain his reasoning Jack interrupted his desperation to talk to Sam taking over.

"Please Sir, I have to talk to her, she has to know how sorry I am. I know I screwed up big time, but if I don't talk to her the anger will only grow. I need to talk to her please Sir" Jack said pleading heavily now. Hammond sighed having known it would come down to this but knowing Sam would still need space. Looking at his face he came up with a compromise.

"Ok Colonel I will tell you" he said, Daniel's mouth dropped open and he exchanged a stunned look with Teal'c, Jack just nodded thankfully.

"Tomorrow" Hammond added, Jack opened his mouth to protest but Hammond hadn't finished so carried on talking.

"Firstly Colonel you look awful I want you get some sleep and sober up, second its late and I'm sure Dr Frasier will have everyone in bed by now you won't do yourself any favours turning up in the middle of the night and lastly I think you need more time. Come back at 12 hundred tomorrow and I will tell you" he ordered, Jack glared at him but Hammond stood him down. Jack gave up first

"1200 dead on" he stated, stalking out of the room, Daniel gave Hammond a sympathetic look as he followed Jack out whereas Teal'c just walked out. Hammond rubbed his head not surprised he had no hair left. Leaving the room he dismissed the airman and continued home.

At home the first thing he did was ring Doctor Frasier to warn her tomorrow she would have 3 guests turning up that she may want to prepare for. She was less than happy but accepted that Jack wasn't going to rest until he had spoken to Sam. Plus it might be better to get it over and done with away from base, away from everyone and in the worst case scenario at least their was a doctor present.

The next morning Hammond arrived marvelling that he hadn't been called in last night, reflecting he decided that as Sg1 and Sg3 the teams that always found themselves in trouble were on world and all other emergencies appeared to be waiting to all come together at once. Arriving at his office he looked at the clock which read 0700 and placed a bet with himself on how early Jack would arrive to try and change his mind guessing around 1000 would be a reasonable guess he thought as he began working his way through the reports on his desk.

At 0800 Walter arrived with his first cup of coffee, 0830 was a briefing with the science department which went a lot slower without Sam there. General Hammond would always wonder why he had to be briefed on every little experiment in detail he could never hope to understand. Sam always cut to the chase her military training and experience explaining complex things to non-scientists allowing her to give him a run down of everything and it rarely lasted more than 30minutes, Hammond thought glumly as the clock read 0945 and they still showed no signs of letting up. A knock at the door interrupted them, it was Jack. Hammond nodded to the 2 scientists resisting the urge to run out

"Write up the rest and I'll read it later" he ordered, the scientists nodded reluctantly. Hammond walked out to where the male members of Sg1 were waiting,

"My office" he said in a quiet yet authoritative voice, they nodded following him. Arriving at his office Hammond sat in his comfy leather chair waiting for them to begin. Using the time he noticed Daniel and Teal'c looked troubled but well rested, whereas Jack still looked like hell. His eyes were less red and bloodshot but still supporting two well packed bags beneath them, his face while pale looked slightly better and his breath no longer stunk of alcohol.

"General" Jack said speaking first. Hammond looked at him almost daring him to ask but Jack was never one to fear anything especially not when it came to Sam.

"Look I know you said 12 but it's like 10 and Daniel wanted to get a good head start on the roads" Jack said jumping straight in, Hammond shook his head.

"I'm sorry Colonel I promised Dr Frasier 4 more hours before you arrived, and if I know your driving it will take about that" he said smiling having told them a later time so when they came early he could give it to them. He handed the address to Daniel knowing he would buy more time as they worked out where it was. They all jumped up, muttering their thanks. Hammond reached for the phone time to warn Dr Frasier she was about to have some guests.

_Ok might be updating slower, personal junk getting in the way of writing, still should only be every other day_

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	8. Chapter 8

Up at General Higgins cabin Cassie had woken up half way through the night needing the toilet. She kept quiet knowing Sam wasn't well despite not knowing exactly what was wrong with Sam she knew that her favourite Auntie was hurting. Her mum had refused to tell her why just promising her that Sam would be ok and although she knew her mum was the best doctor in the world and she trusted her she couldn't help but wonder what it was? What Janet didn't realise was this only made her more worried about what could be so bad that it had to be kept from her. Was Sam dying? With that fear now in the forefront of her mind she crept along the corridor to Sam's room listening outside she heard Sam whimper. Opening the door Sam was still fast asleep but that didn't stop Cassie climbing in looking for reassurance only a hug could give. Sam's arm automatically snaking around her as Cassie fell into an exhausted sleep.

Janet awoke at the phone ringing answering it and managed to get through the conversation without falling asleep on her CO. She knew she had to get Sam and Cassie up to prepare them for the intrusion. While she understood his reasoning she wasn't sure Sam was ready for it. Discovering Cassie's room was empty she went to Sam's grinning at what she found there. Both of them snuggled up together taking comfort in knowing the other was there, she tiptoed back into her room to grab the camera taking a picture. Then she went over shaking Sam gently on the shoulder, wishing she could put this off spare her friend the pain.

"Sam, Sam time to wake up" Janet called. Sam opened her eyes blinking as the light hit her eyes causing her to shut them again

"Morning" Janet said really cheerfully, Sam just glared at her, not liking this early morning intrusion especially people who were really happy in the morning who woke up with endless energy still looking at the clock Janet did have a point it was getting late. Sensing the change Janet pulled on her arm again.

"Come on you need to get up, have a shower and I'll meet you in the kitchen" Janet said, Sam now more awake noticed her arm was pinned down, curiously she looked down finding Cassie fast asleep. Sam raised an eyebrow silently questioning Janet as to when she had arrived not remembering Cassie joining her last night. Janet shrugged she didn't know either.

Carefully Sam climbed out of bed so she didn't disturb her heading into her private bathroom taking Janet's advice and having a shower. Janet went to the kitchen to make pancakes feeling that they deserved something special to get them through this day while wishing it was that simple.

When Sam emerged Janet had set them on the table. Cassie had also awoken and was sitting at the table drinking orange juice. Sam came in her face screwed up in bewilderment in all the time she had stayed with Janet there had never been pancakes. This made her nervous after all if Janet was cooking a special breakfast there had to be something wrong.

Cassie slid the plate in front of her pleading with her silently to eat. Reluctantly Sam began eating. Janet was pleased to see that Sam was eating but suspected that it had more to do with making Cassie less worried about her than actual hunger levels. Nevertheless Sam finished 3 pancakes. Janet waited until everyone had finished eating until she dropped the bombshell.

"So General Hammond phoned this morning, Jack, Daniel and Teal'c are coming to visit" Janet said innocently, Cassie cheered but Sam went pale at the thought of facing Jack again. Janet noticed, but Cassie didn't appear to, too caught up in her excitement.

"Hey Cass go and get washed up I need to talk to Sam" Janet said, Cassie sulked slightly that she wasn't allowed to listen but like any nosy teenager worried about a relative she left hiding nearby so she could eavesdrop. Unaware of her daughter nearby Janet went over to Sam who was yelling at herself internally for not trusting her instincts to begin with. She should have run while she had the chance.

"Hey you ok?" she asked, Sam shook her head as she tried to hold in her tears with the fear that Jack was coming up here.

"Why is he coming here?" She asked a few tears spilling out showing how disturbed she really was, Janet hugged her.

"Well I hope he is coming to apologise" Janet said hotly, Sam shook her head dreading any conversation with Jack and doubting he would apologise.

"He was right" Sam said putting her head between her hands, holding it up.

"I should have told him," Sam said, Janet opened her mouth to interrupt but Sam continued.

"I should have taken more care of myself, I should have ……." Sam began going over all the ways she could have saved her baby but Janet interrupted angry with her friend for thinking such things even though she knew it was normal in this situation.

"No Sam, there wasn't anything you could have done; it was one of those things. A horrible, horrible tragedy" Janet said, Sam nodded. Inside the cupboard Cassie was getting scared, what had happened to her Auntie Sam and why had Uncle Jack hurt her so badly? Whatever the reason Cassie was more determined to find out.

"Do you think he is coming to apologise or yell at me some more?" Sam asked sounding scared. Janet knew she would be facing Jack not knowing what mood he would be in, whether he would still be blaming her or begging her forgiveness. Still Janet guessed that Daniel, Teal'c and General Hammond had talked some sense into him, explained what happened, so he would be asking her forgiveness. Whatever he was coming here for she thought firmly he would have to go through her first.

"I hope he is coming to apologise, I mean he had no right looking in your medical file, then to make things worse he didn't even read all of it" Janet said angrily. Sam nodded hugging herself for comfort. Janet noticed and softened her approach.

"You would have made a wonderful mum Sam, look how good you are with Cassie. You always make time for her, you always come to her school plays and despite what Jack O'Neill said if you were that concerned with your career that you didn't want kids then why are you so upset now?" Janet asked. This was Sam's undoing as she began sobbing in earnest at the acknowledgement that she had wanted Grace and that she would have been a good mother.

Cassie used the distraction to sneak out of her hiding place trying to process what she had heard. Sam had lost a baby and Jack has yelled at her for it making Sam upset. She loved both Sam and Jack but Sam had always been her favourite and making her auntie Sam upset was not allowed, she thought angrily. She could have been a cousin. Cassie jumped in the shower making it quick to account for the time she was eavesdropping and got changed.

"Mum can I come in now?" she called before she entered the lounge wanting it to seem like she didn't know what was going on at least until she had decided what to do with the information she had. While a big part of her wanted to confront Jack and yell at him for what he had done to her, while the other wanted to yell at Sam and her mum for hiding this from her.

"Sure" Janet called back bringing her out of her thoughts. When Cassie entered this time Sam was sitting on the couch reading a book with no signs of tears on her face, Janet was washing up. Cassie studied Sam carefully looking for any signs of hurt.

"When did you say they were coming mum?" Cassie asked seeing Sam try to hide her reaction but the small flinch gibing it away causing Cassie to get mad but not with Sam. All she had to do now was planning how she could tell of Uncle Jack before her mum and Sam and make sure he wasn't coming to make her cry and more.

"About 4 hours" Janet replied looking at her watch, Cassie nodded.

"Can we go and look at the lake" she asked politely, Janet glanced at Sam who nodded,

"That sounds like a good idea" she agreed, Cassie smiled knowing that once at the lake it would be easy to sneak off to get to the road that lead up to the cabin so she could talk to Uncle Jack first and make sure he wasn't going to hurt Sam.

_OK so I lied and updated sooner, sorry um what I should say is it may be tomorrow or the day after….hopefully tomorrow we will see,_

_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed _

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	9. Chapter 9

Sam and Janet noticed some time later that Cassie wasn't with them having run off earlier in their walk, but weren't too worried as she was 13 and there wasn't a lot she could do and as a teenager she needed her own space sometime. Noticing Sam seemed to be getting nervous checking her watch Janet suggested they return to the cabin.

All the way Sam found herself watching the clock dreading the up coming conversation with Jack every minute dragged on, she knew Janet was talking and tried her hardest to focus on the conversation but her mind kept wondering back to the dreaded upcoming conversation she could only hope Jack was willing to forgive her.

Janet knew Sam was nervous heck she was feeling the pressure but also knew before Jack got anywhere near Sam he'd have to through her first to prove he wasn't going to hurt her again. Janet doubted that she would recover if Jack was going to yell at her hateful things again. While Sam was one of the strongest people she knew losing a baby was hard, losing a baby and the man you love hating you was too much even for Sam.

……………….

Cassie sat by the side of the road wondering what she would say to Uncle Jack when he arrived, she knew he didn't know she knew but wanted to make sure he didn't hurt Sam again. She began using a small stone to chip away at the big stone she was sat on as a way of passing the time. After a while a car drove up on seeing Cassie it stop, Daniel was on the right side having driven, Teal'c was next, Jack last and on the other side. Daniel reached her first worrying why she wasn't at the cabin,

"Cassie you ok?" He asked opening his arms expecting a hug but Cassie flew past him to Jack her anger on seeing him just exploded. She felt the need to just hit him. Jack wasn't expecting it but managed to catch her fist

"Woah Cassie what's up?" he asked not knowing that she knew and not expecting her to attack him. He could make a good guess at what was up but couldn't believe Sam or Janet would have told her and felt anger that they had made her hate him.

"You know what's up," she yelled still trying to fight him, his strength letting him stop her easily but that didn't mean she was ready to stop fight in just yet.

"Cass?" he asked still stunned she was trying to hurt him. Cassie was now crying tears of frustration, hurt and anger. Jack tried to talk but Cassie shouted over him.

"How could you, you made her cry. Do you know how sad you made her, she was crying and Sam never cries, she lost her baby and you yelled at her. She thinks it her fault all cus of you" Cassie yelled some tears escaping. She was angry, angry that nobody had told her, angry that Sam was sad, angry that Sam had lost her baby. Jack didn't say anything knowing she had to calm down before she was ready to listen

"She was really hurt" Cassie informed him quietly calming down slightly now she had vented some of her frustrations. Jack shook his head deciding to treat Cassie as a practice run for Sam after all she had a lot less to forgive than Sam.

"Cass come here" he asked going over to the stone where she had been sitting. Cassie reluctantly followed him sitting on his lap.

"You are right Cass, what I said to Sam was unforgivable and I'm here to apologise to her not upset her more I promise" he said. Cassie softened slightly, seeing how upset her uncle Jack was, she could tell he was really upset and really sorry. After all she realised Jack had lost a child too and with this she turned in his lap and hugged him tightly. Jack returned it just as tightly as Daniel and Teal'c stood smiling watching knowing this was an important first step in Jack's healing.

As they shifted Daniel intervened, Jack looked impatient, but he sensed that Cassie was still trying to make sense of what had happened her head, and probably wanted to talk about it to someone

"Jack, Teal'c why don't you drive to the cabin, Cassie and I will walk" he suggested. Cassie nodded wanting to talk to her Uncle Daniel alone glad he had picked up on it. Jack and Teal'c nodded agreeing to go to the cabin. Teal'c got in the drivers seat Jack looked like he was about to complain but Teal'c glared at him, Jack held up both hands in surrender.

"Fine you drive" he said reluctantly, Teal'c nodded getting in. As they drove off with the tyres squealing Daniel leant in to Cassie

"I'm so glad that's not us" he whispered, Cassie giggled and nodded. Taking his hand they took a leisurely stroll through the woods back to the cabin. Neither of them in a hurry to get back to the storm that they knew was irrupting at the cabin. Instead Cassie explained how she knew and Daniel explained the details figuring that Cassie knew some of it she may as well know the rest.

Up at the cabin Sam was waiting inside. Janet had persuaded her to let her speak to Jack first make sure he wasn't going to upset her further. Sam knew her friend was only doing what was best for her and trusted Janet with her life. When Janet was in her protective mode she was like a mother bear protecting her cubs. As the car pulled up Janet noticed that Teal'c was there but not Daniel storing that information she focused on her main target Jack who was just getting out of the car. He looked dreadful but then she thought angrily he deserved to be after what he had said to Sam.

As he walked up looking sheepishly up the drive Janet stood up.

"Is Sam here?" he asked nervously, Janet nodded folding her arms. Jack looked nervous as Janet's face grew grim. He knew he would have to defend himself to see Sam but seeing Janet's face he knew this would be harder than Cassie was.

"So I guess I have to talk to you before I get to talk to Sam" he began scratching his head nervously. As Janet nodded not talking having found in her experience silence could a lot more intimidating.

"And I came to say that I am really sorry. I shouldn't have broke into your office and looked at confidential records and I know I jumped to the wrong conclusion, I was a idiot and I know I don't deserve to beg Sam's forgiveness but I got to try, so at least she knows she wasn't to blame even if she doesn't forgive" he said blabbing over his words in a desperate rush to get them all out. Still Janet remained silent. Jack was now desperate to see Sam so carried on.

"Please Janet, I have to see Sam. I know I hurt her and you don't know how bad I feel about it." He begged, Janet relented deciding to read him the riot act.

"Ok but if you hurt her in anyway shape or form then I will find you" she warned. Jack nodded

"I think there will be a queue" Jack admitted, "You, Teal'c, General Hammond and Cassie" he listed ticking them off on his hand. Janet narrowed her eyes at the last one.

"Cassie knows?" She asked glaring at him. Jack held both hands up in a surrendering pose. Janet's eyes narrowed not believing for a second that he had told her, after all why would have. She knew he loved Cassie and would never tell her that her favourite aunt had lost a child but that didn't tell her how Cassie had found out.

"I didn't tell her" he said almost fearfully, Janet nodded thoughtfully, thinking of all the possible ways she could have found out.

"Did she say how she found out?" Janet asked wondering if she had said anything to him about it. Jack shook his head knowing that Janet wouldn't let him see Sam until he had told her everything to do with Cassie that he knew so he relented.

"All I know is when we were driving down she was sat on the side of the road, when we stopped she attacked me. I explained my actions and Daniel is walking back with her now" Jack explained condensing it down but making sure Janet knew that Daniel would have more details and where Cassie was now. Janet calmed down slightly knowing Cassie was safe.

"Let me go and speak to Sam then you can see her" She ordered. Jack nodded not prepared to argue when he was about to see her, about to apologise.

Janet pushed the cabin door open a heavy weight sitting in her chest with the nerves of what she would do if Jack hurt her again. Sam was sat by the window looking the opposite way to the drive where se could see the lake and seemed to be focused on a point in the distance looking remarkable sad. Janet went over touching Sam's arm lightly. Sam had been miles away wondering what would of happened if Grace had survived, she had a vision of a blond haired blue eyed girl in a white dress and trainers singing the song Sam's mum had sung to her, twinkle twinkle little star, but was dragged away when Janet touched her causing her to jump a mile.

"Sam he is here and he wants to talk to you" Janet told her. Sam turned to face her, face him, her anger building as well as her fear. She took a deep breath this was it this conversation would decide whether her and Jack could remain friends or become enemies.

_Ok, next chapter is the meeting I promise, thanks to people who reviewed and please continue._

_Cheers _

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	10. Chapter 10

Janet left and Jack replaced her shutting the door behind him

Janet left and Jack replaced her shutting the door behind him. There was silence as they each studied the other.

Jack was horrified to see how bad Sam looked. She was wearing baggy clothes that seemed to make her look thinner, smaller and more vulnerable. She was pale and looked worn. The bags under her eyes were a testament to her sleepless nights and she was glaring at him waiting for him to begin.

Sam studied Jack; he was wearing un-matching clothes which screamed that he had rushed to put them on. His bags under her eyes matched hers and were slightly bloodshot, signalling he'd had about as much sleep as she had. She glared at him waiting for him to talk if he was there to apologise she wouldn't make it easy, if he was there to yell at her she wouldn't let him see how much it hurt her. The impenetrable mask was up and fully in place.

Jack opened his mouth waiting for the words to come out but nothing came to him so he shut it. Sam stood waiting arms folded not prepared to start this conversation. Jack tried again

"I'm so sorry" was all that came out of his mouth; even as he said the words he winced knowing it wouldn't be good enough that he would have to explain himself but before he could Sam spoke.

"That's it" Sam remarked angrily, surprised at the lack of words explaining why he had yelled at her. Jack looked shocked and slightly ashamed but before he could say anything Sam exploded all her anger coming out.

"I mean after everything you put me through all I get is a sorry. After everything you said how I was an unfit mother, married to my career, a cold blooded murdering bitch, wasn't it Sir?" Sam yelled. Jack flinched knowing she had a good point and that he should say something more. The problem was that he was having a hard job remembering why he had said such horrible things; still he had to try maybe if he started from the beginning. Tired and exhausted he sat on the bed,

"I know. After we got back and discovered that Jonah and Thera could never be together I had to get away. I couldn't stay not near you it was too painful to see what I had lost what I could never get back." He laughed nervously having never been this open before but he knew to get Sam back he would have to be.

"I mean you are amazing and I knew that Thera was brainwashed to want Jonah but knew that Sam would never want Jack so I ran to save myself" he admitted, Sam was tearing up at his heartfelt admission but used the anger to hold her back from comforting him. Jack looked at her trying to deicide if it was working and whether to go on. Sam still looked angry but underneath he could see she was softening.

"So when I arrived at base I knew something was wrong I mean you looked ill, you were seeing the shrink and both Hammond and Doc told me you would be fine not that you were at the moment, so I snuck into the infirmary. I wanted to make sure you were ok, that Thera hadn't done any long term damage. Then when I got there and read the lab report I flipped. I jumped to conclusions and yelled at you and I am so sorry. After Charlie all I could think of was Charlie died in an accident how anyone could deliberately kill our child, I lost it and I will never forgive myself for it and I don't expect you to either, I just wanted you to understand" Jack finished standing up turning away from her intent on walking away not wanting to hurt Sam anymore, he had done his bit now it was up to her to decide how much she wanted to forgive him if anything.

Reaching the door he risked one last look at her, she was sat on the floor by the window crying. Jacks hand hesitated over the door handle wondering if he should go or stay. Sam let a sob clinching the decision he walked over to her gathering her up in her arms and holding her as she cried.

"I tried, I really really wanted her and I didn't even know not till she was gone." She managed to say, Jack nodded.

"I know Sam, I know" he said rocking her slightly. Some tears escaping from him too as they mourned together for their lost child together.

After a while Sam pushed him off realising that he was still her CO and if anyone came in they could get court marshalled. Not that she believed for a minute any of her friends would tell no them but if asked if they had any seen them in a compromising position Sam didn't want them to lie on her behalf. Plus she hadn't totally forgiven Jack while she understood his reasoning her heart wasn't fixed that easily. Jack sensed the change as he let her stand up.

Sam turned to look at him opening her mouth

"I know you need time, and I am here for you but I know you will need space. I'll go to town rent a motel room that way if you need to talk I'll be there. I won't leave you alone again Sam I promise" he promised. Sam nodded gratefully glad he understood that she did need space but glad he was nearby to talk more. Jack hugged her one more time whispering he was sorry before leaving.

As soon as he was gone Sam collapsed onto the floor the weight of the conversation catching up with her. Before the door closed Janet was there hugging her as Sam found herself sobbing again wondering why she was so emotional and if they could ever be the same again.

_Hey_

_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, I am trying to post as fast as I can but my laptop broke, it melted and burnt the carpet…..not good….so I am fighting to use the home computer please bear with me…cheers_


	11. Chapter 11

Jack went outside spotting Teal'c sitting some way away

Jack went outside spotting Teal'c sitting some way away. Janet had barged past him going inside he ignored her kicking a local rock venting his frustrations on it before walking to wear Teal'c was. Teal'c remained silent having found that silence often caused his Tau'ri friends to reveal more than if he spoke. Jack slumped to the ground next to him.

"She understands now, she hasn't forgiven me but she understands" he told him sounding tired. Despite having promised to go to a local motel they waited silently for Daniel to return figuring he'd want to come with them. After a while Janet joined them sitting next to Jack on the grass. Jack broke the silence first figuring she was no longer angry with him so he must be doing something right.

"How is she?" he asked hoping she was doing better that there conversation had done something to help her, there was a pause as Janet considered the question

"She is sleeping now, she was upset but I think she will be doing better" Janet said, Jack nodded glad Sam was sleeping.

"Good" he said, again they was silence as they all considered what had happened and it's implications on the SGC and SG1. Jack wondered if it could ever be the same ever again if Sam could ever forgive him for being such as bard. As if reading his thoughts Teal'c spoke

"Major Carter has a great capacity for forgiveness especially when it is somebody she cares about" he offered as his opinion. Janet nodded

"You're just going to have to prove to her that you won't leave again" Janet offered. Jack raised an eyebrow not quite understanding what she meant. Janet explained it

"When Sam needed you more than anything, when she needed Jack not Colonel O'Neill you hurt her. She may trust Colonel O'Neill with her life but she needs to trust Jack with her heart, something which won't be easy. Sam needs to know when things get hard you won't leave her" Janet explained, Jack winced knowing she was right but knowing what he had to do was hard, he had made a good start but now he had to follow up on that. He found himself nodding to Janet's words while mentally trying to work out how to do what she had said.

"Good" Janet said focusing on a spot between the trees. Following her gaze Jack saw Daniel and Cassie emerged from the trees. Janet stood up brushing the dirt off her trousers catching Cassie as the small girl flew towards her. Daniel looked at Jack raising an eyebrow silently asking how it went, Jack just shrugged ushering Jack towards the car

"Right we better go" he ordered knowing Janet, Cassie and Sam probably needed some space to talk. They got into the car Daniel and Teal'c both trusting Jack's judgement and both sensing that the girls needed space. Janet hugged them all goodbye

"We'll see you tomorrow you can bring lunch" she said was way of telling them to come back tomorrow lunch time, they nodded agreeing that they would come then. As Jack pulled out of the drive they waved.

Watching them disappear from view Janet debated how to approach her daughter about Sam. She knew Cassie knew and decided getting angry wouldn't help anyone instead a calm talk might suffice. She cuddled Cassie taking her into the cabin sitting her on the sofa

"So Jack said you know" Janet began, Cassie nodded nervously not wanting her mum to get angry, trying to mentally work out how to phrase it.

"Sam lost her baby" Cassie said sounding slightly upset. Janet sighed rubbing her forehead she could feel a headache coming on.

"Yes, now I'm not mad at you but I want to know how did you find out?" Janet asked trying to keep her voce sounding calm and non-judgemental relying on her doctors training to do so.

"I was worried I knew something was wrong with Sam and you wouldn't tell me so I pretended to have a shower but listened in" Cassie admitted knowing at this stage it was better to just come clean and hope for the best. Janet nodded having expected something like that

"I'm sorry mum, please don't be mad" Cassie begged. She hated it when her mum was mad, or even worse when her mum was so angry she didn't speak. Janet took a deep breath finding it calmed her nerves

"I'm not mad Cass, I'm just disappointed in you. I know you were worried but that gave you no right to listen in on a conversation I was having privately. You should have come to me or Sam. You have to understand I didn't tell you because Sam didn't want you to know and she has that right to privacy. I understand that you were worried but I told you Sam was going to be ok, and I thought you'd respect that" Janet lectured making Cassie feel really bad. She looked at the floor ashamed of herself.

"I'm really sorry mum" Cassie said almost crying now feeling really bad, Janet softened slightly

"I know Cass and I think you have learnt your lesson" she told her Cassie brightening thinking their was no punishment but the smile on her mum's face should have enlightened her

"Just to make sure you can do the dishes" Janet told her ruffling her hair swaning out the room to check on Sam as Cassie sulked.

Score 1 for Janet

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed_ _yes my laptop melted basically after PC world "fixed it" worrying _


	12. Chapter 12

Jack went outside spotting Teal'c sitting some way away

In Sam's room Janet found her curled up in her bed, she went over to where Sam was deciding that she should check if she was ok.

"Hey Sam" Janet said sitting on the edge of the bed, Sam grumbled inaudible under the cover.

"Daniel and Teal'c say hi, I think they are all going to come over next week" Janet said trying to inject some enthusiasm Sam nodded

"Ok" she said

"Jack will be there too" Janet added, Sam nodded having expected that he would be coming too.

"In other news Cassie knows" Sam looked up alarmed hoping the small girl didn't hate her like Jack did. Janet saw her reaction and realised what Sam was thinking hastening to reassure her

"It was quite sweet really she went and waited by the road side to make sure he wasn't coming to hurt you, she is now on washing up duty for eavesdropping but the concern was their" Janet told her watching as Sam relaxed glad that Cassie didn't hate her.

"Good," Sam said sitting up deciding she should go and see her reassure Cassie that she was ok. Janet got up following her out watching as Sam grabbed Cassie and began tickling her, she was laughing begging Janet to step in. Janet watched glad that they could both forget their problems even if it was only for a little while. As Sam released Cassie Janet excused herself to the kitchen aware they needed to have a little chat.

Sam pulled Cassie onto her lap all signs of the playfulness gone as she contemplated what she would say to her. Cassie sensed that cuddling closer. As Sam tried to come up with the right words Cassie began.

"So mum told you" Cassie began, Sam nodded

"She said you tried to talk to Jack, I won't pretend I am happy that you found out especially not like that. I think your mum has probably lectured you enough so what I want to know is there anything you want to talk about or ask me?" Sam said figuring Cassie would probably have lots of questions to ask or things she wanted to talk about. Cassie was quiet running through the options of what she wanted to discuss despite having spoken to Daniel she did want to talk to Sam too.

"Are you ok?" She asked sounding small like the child they had found on Hanaka, Sam hugged her holding her tightly

"Thanks to your mum I am fine" Sam said reassuringly, Cassie nodded this time trusting Sam knowing she wouldn't lie this time

"What happened I mean I know you lost her but……?" Cassie trailed off not sure if she was going in the realm of too personal; Sam smiled squeezing her hand understanding the girls' reluctance to ask that question.

"I working in my lab late on night, all day I had been getting pain I figured it was nothing but it was getting worse so I thought I would get it checked out. By the time I got to the infirmary I could hardly walk. Then it's a blur of tests and people asking me questions. I remember your mum walking over to me, she was crying I knew it was bad news" Sam said pausing to stop herself from crying, Cassie was listening silently

"Mum never cries" She said sounding amazed, Sam nodded knowingly

"She does, she cried with happiness the day she got awarded you" Sam said, Cassie looked even more amazed. She thought she had been dumped their as Janet was the only one who wanted her

"Really?" she asked, Sam nodded having remembered that day well she had initially wanted Cassie but had been persuaded to let Janet have her by Jack and General Hammond.

"Absolutely" Sam reassured her, Janet entered announcing dinner was ready. They went into the kitchen bringing their food back into the lounge. They sat silently before Cassie said in a quiet voice

"You never finished telling me what happened." Janet looked to Sam enquiringly. While Sam blushed deciding that Janet should know to after all she had been there. Sam didn't bother to explain figuring once she started talking Janet would be able to guess what she was on about.

"Ok I was lying there and your mum came over, she was crying. She said I have some bad news. She told me I had been pregnant but the baby was dead. She was then removed from me. Afterwards Janet came with me to a private room, General Hammond was told and the 2 nurses who were on duty with me knew nobody else." Sam finished waiting for Cassie to speak. She had spoken with amazing detachment and sounded like she was reciting a shopping list or something as equally exciting but Janet knew she was that close to crying. Only her training kept her from sobbing.

Cassie took a while to speak processing what she had heard wishing she had never asked Sam but at the same time glad she had.

"Thank you" She said, meaning thank you for telling me, for re-living it. Then sitting closer to Sam she whispered

"We are very brave" Cassie said echoing the words Sam had told her almost 4 years ago making Sam smile.

"Yes we are" Sam agreed. Janet nodded too

"Good now Cass I left the washing up for you" she said pointing to the kitchen. Cassie got up grumbling under her breath but going nevertheless. When she was gone Janet turned to Sam

"You ok?" She asked concerned, Sam nodded feeling really tired the emotional events of the day getting to her.

"I will be" She decided yawning. Janet looked at her watch noting it only read 1830 hours.

"How about a movie that way if you drift off it doesn't matter" Janet suggested. Sam nodded walking to the large film collection choosing the mummy as she figured it wouldn't make her cry; it seemed to be the only film that wasn't a romantic comedy and this time she might see it not like when she tried to watch it with Daniel. Instead spending the whole movie listening to a lecture on how inaccurate it was. To be fair Jack and Sam were just as bad watching military films and Sam with sci-fi was also really bad leaving very little choice left. At least with Janet and Cassie Sam didn't have that problem. As Janet flipped past the junk Cassie joined them. Soon into the movie Sam fell asleep only waking when Janet shook her awake tiredly shuffling off to bed.

_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed over 100 wow!!_


	13. Chapter 13

Jack went outside spotting Teal'c sitting some way away

Sam slept in late the next morning not hearing either Cassie or Janet getting up and showered only waking when Janet sent Cassie in guessing Sam would want to be dressed when Jack got there.

30 minutes later Sam joined them on the balcony Janet wordlessly handing her a coffee, Sam took it gratefully sipping it just as the guys pulled up on Jack's truck. Daniel and Teal'c leapt out and Sam found herself being hugged from two directions with such force it almost hurt.

"Ok guys" Sam said using the last of her oxygen; Daniel looked sheepish whereas Teal'c smiled slightly

"Sorry Sam it's just so good to see you" He said sounding apologetic, whereas Teal'c just bowed

"Indeed" he added but Sam's attention was already elsewhere. Jack had just come round with a barbeque. Janet got up directing him where to put it ordering Cassie to help Teal'c with the meat. Daniel and Sam went inside to prepare the salads. Soon Jack came in telling Daniel that Janet wanted to see him. Daniel silently asked if Sam was ok if he went Sam nodded. There was an awkward silence Sam standing arms folded almost hugging herself.

"I brought Blue Jell-O for desert" he said, Sam smiled politely wishing it would solve all their problems.

"How you doing?" he asked wanting to approach her but unsure on how welcome it would be.

"Better" Sam admitted and she meant it after all she had hit the bottom and was now inches away from it. Jack glared at her knowing she was probably lying but not wanting to call her on it.

"Good" Jack said. There was a silence before Sam broke down something inside deciding to give him a chance.

"How do you do it Sir?" She asked the fear echoing through her voice not only at asking the question and how he would react but also at the answer. Jack sighed he should have expected something like this Janet's warning came back to haunt him if he shut Sam out now it would be the last time. He needed to show her he trusted her personally and let her trust him in return. He took a deep breath in leading her out of the kitchen and the house down to the lake where they could talk privately. Sam went apprehensively sitting on the grass next to him.

"When Charlie…" he began but couldn't say the words instead jumping ahead slightly to something which was slightly easier to talk about.

"I wanted to die; I spent most of my time working out the best way to do it so that Sara wouldn't find my body. She didn't deserve that. That's why I went on the Abydos mission to die with honour. There I learnt something more important than I thought I learnt to live again, to trust my friends and slowly it filled the gap in my heart. And that's what you need to do Sam, take the time to grieve and trust us were are here to catch you if you fall." Sam began crying again she had been there wanting to die but not wanting her friends to find the body, but to know others had been through the same thing and survived gave her strength gave her courage to go on. Jack put an arm around her holding her knowing this was an important step, Sam trusted him to let herself go around him.

"I'm here Sam and I will not let you go again" he promise and this time Sam believed him.

After what seemed like an age Sam stopped crying, pulling away slightly. The thought had come to her the one they had been avoiding what next where did they go from here.

"Sir" Sam said that one word echoing so much, duty, honour, and fraternisation. Jack was on the same wavelength having thought something similar before Sam had pulled away.

"I know Carter, I'll retire" Jack decided firmly not wanting to lose something so special

"You can't Sir we need you the SGC needs you, no other commander would listen to Daniel or understand Teal'c and his revenge complex or my techno babble" Sam told him sincerely, Jack shrugged

"I don't so that much" he said not liking the praise

"Yes you do sir, you hold us together its okay I'll resign then sign on as a civilian" Sam decided, but Jack shook his head.

"You can't your even more valuable than me and if you weren't military they wouldn't let you on Sg1 they'd reassign you to area 51 or the pentagon" Jack said, Sam looked at him puzzled wondering why they would reassign her.

"The only thing stopping them is that General Hammond won't let you, if you were a civilian then Hammond might not be able to stop them especially if we were in a relationship, they argue the SGC has frequently suffered alien incursions and you are to valuable to risk, the fact you are military has meant Hammond has been able to keep you" Jack said, Sam looked at the ground trying to think of a solution but could come up with nothing. Jack was going through the same thought process.

"We could do outside base, keep it quiet" he suggested, but Sam shook her head

"We can't not with how many eyes are on us already, I mean Kinsey would kill to get us out the SGC and this would be handing it to him on a plate" Sam explained, Jack nodded not because he agreed with her but because he thought she deserved better than that.

"We could wait after all in a few years you'll be ready for your own command and my knees will be shot" Jack said, Sam nodded not wanting to wait but it did seem the best option.

"So we wait" Sam agreed

"We wait," Jack said not 100 happy with the situation but agreeing with Sam that it did seem to be the best. He stood up over looking the lake; Sam joined him cuddling up in his embrace as they allowed themselves these last few minutes together. For Jack it was too much he wanted her now not in the future,

"4 years Carter and I will retire I promise" he said, Sam didn't even try to persuade him otherwise recognising the tone in his voice.

"I can wait that long Sir" Sam promised him in return, with a grin she added

"Can you?" Jack turned her around so she was looking in his eyes

"For you Carter, I can wait forever" he promised. Sam was taken back by his sincerity. She smiled noticing for the first time that Teal'c was standing nearby. Jack noticed her gaze glad that it was Teal'c who could be trusted not to say anything.

"Teal'c" Jack said making him aware that they knew he was nearby

"I am to inform you lunch is served" he said, Jack nodded, while Sam was blushing an alarming shade of red

"Do not worry I will not reveal anything I have heard" he promised walking towards the cabin Sam and Jack following, they knew what they had to do and when they could finally be together.

Back at the cabin if the others were surprised at the chilled relationship between Jack and Sam they didn't let it show instead they just acted like normal even thought everyone was aware of what had happened they found that Sam and Jack's friendship was stronger than ever before. That night they all crashed in the cabin all savouring the others company.

The next morning they were due to leave, so packed up the cars before going to the motel and packed up that stuff to. The drove back dropping everyone off, that afternoon SG1 all met on base for the briefing of their next mission.

If General Hammond was surprised to see them all getting on he didn't show it instead focusing on the meeting afterwards calling both Sam and Jack into his office

"I take it everything is ok now?" he checked they both nodded

"Yes Sir" they responded in unison

"Good" he said and together they left his office knowing whatever life through at them they would face it together.

_Epiliouge coming up soon can you guess which episode their will be spoilers for??_


	14. Chapter 14

Jack went outside spotting Teal'c sitting some way away

Sam woke her head fuzzy as she quickly recapped what had happened leading to her unconsciousness; she remembered going to see if she could get a small jump from the hyperdrive then nothing. The pain in her head indicated she must have hit it; slowly she pushed herself to sitting then to standing ignoring how the room span. She reached the phone calling the bridge needing to know what had happened and wondering why a medical team hadn't been despatched to her position. There was no answer, nothing, a million reasons ran through her mind, as she looked round only seeing a little girl. Wait!

She looked back not sure of what she was seeing by the time she had blinked it had gone, leaving her wondering if she had actually seen her. Deciding to go in that direction she wondered the corridors looking for the little girl or anyone else, arriving at the empty mess hall she knew something was wrong it was never empty. She set off to the bridge which was also deserted again confirming her theory. Still if she had been missed maybe others had too she put a call out to all levels receiving nothing the camera confirming it. She was alone on the ship stranded in space.

Sam took a moment to wallow in what this meant before sitting at the computer and beginning to run some basic scans these would then indicate how bad the damage was, she didn't like what she found the sublight engines weren't working neither was the hyperspace, sighing she walked from room to room on the ship ensuring the crew were all gone. She found nobody it was then Sam decided to begin a diary in case she didn't make it setting it for automatic voice record.

As the hyperspace window failed again Sam felt all hope leave her until she felt and hand on her arm. Looking up she saw Teal'c, for a moment she thought he was real until he told her to stay awake she knew if it was really there he wouldn't just be standing there. She knew he was making sense telling her not to sleep but the overwhelming desire to sleep seemed more important than what he was telling her. Her last thought before she shut her eyes was the thought that Teal'c seemed really scary and worried about something, maybe he had left the oven on she thought.

When she woke she had no idea how much time had passed but someone was singing twinkle twinkle little star, she followed the voice down the corridors as she called out it stopped. She groaned but taking note of her situation decided the distress beacon should be activated. Even if the Gould picked it up at least she would have a chance of being found. With that in mind her attention turned to surviving she cleaned her head wound and divided the food up recording how much she had. A dizzy spell had her holding on to the table when Sam heard a voice

"Play with me" it said, unable to believe what she was hearing Sam looked up seeing the same girl from earlier, she had blond hair, brown eyes and was wearing a white dress and trainers. Sam looked away the image to painful the girl she was seeing was exactly how she had pictured Grace looking, it worked as when she gained the courage to look back the girl had gone. Tiredly she looked to the floor wondering what the hell the concussion was doing to her. Deciding that distracting herself was the best option running endless simulations and diagnostics to try and sort the problem out and Daniel appeared. She looked away hoping that like with the girl when she looked back he would be gone. As he began talking Sam focused more on the problem hoping to distract herself but he wasn't about to be ignored.

"Sam hello" the illusion said clicking his fingers, Sam sighed knowing she would have to talk to him to stop him being so annoying

"Were you this annoying when you were ascended" Sam asked that being the only thing that came to mind. As he replied all Sam could think about was why she was talking to herself about something she knew nothing about. The Daniel illusion only confirming what she knew, but in a much more confusing way. By the end Sam had no idea what he was or who she was so she cut him off

"Daniel" she said begging him to stop it

"Just try to go only with it" he said, or was it she? Sam really had no idea,

"You are me talking to me" Sam confirmed, Daniel agreed, Sam sighed her headache getting worse. Humouring him he told her that the Daniel inside her thought she should study the cloud and that it was important. Sam was tired her head pounding all she wanted to do was sleep.

She knew she shouldn't sleep so distracted herself by continuing to sort out the food figuring once it was done she could focus on more important things. It was there she heard the ominous creak that told her the hull was corroding her scans proving it. Even if her food lasted months it was unlike the ship would. She sealed off those sections and boosted the shields and was in the process of visually checking those areas were sealed when the girl approached her.

She was talking in riddles something which Sam's concussed mind couldn't cope with.

"Come on this way" the little girl said. From deep down Sam reacted, an order she could cope with following orders, now if only the girl would answer the questions. AS she rounded the corner she bumped into Teal'c. She could see no signs of the girl. She knew what Teal'c wanted she couldn't sleep. He suggested a theory that she hadn't even wanted to consider that the aliens were using some virtual reality technology to gain access to her mind, to the knowledge she contained. That theory was disregarded quickly they couldn't make her head hurt that much.

She didn't know what happened next but she woke on the floor the cool metal on her face. The pain she felt only confirmed what she knew; this was real and worse of all her head injury was getting worse. It was do or die time the plan that had been in the back on her mind seemed like the best option. Sitting on the commanders' chair she prepared to vent the atmosphere from several levels. She pressed the button holding on as the ship vibrated. That was until she saw the girl screaming holding on for dear life. Immediately Sam stopped the venting running to that section. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she hurt her. Reaching the section she got dizzy from the exertion. She was fighting not to pass out when Daniel appeared spouting his latest theory that the cloud wasn't a cloud but an energy or something similar telling her to talk to the cloud. Despite knowing that Daniel was her she couldn't believe she/Daniel was suggesting she should talk to it. When he began talking about the cloud now being a person she couldn't stand it passing out instead.

She woke to the little girl singing sitting up she saw her feeling a jab in her heart as she remembered Grace. She spoke to her remembering Daniel/her words to talk to her. It couldn't hurt she figured as she followed it to the cafeteria where she collapsed into a chair. She disappeared returning with a plate of food.

"What's your name?" Sam asked wanting a name to call her instead of it.

"Grace" was the response. Initially Sam was shocked but then realised Grace was a common name it couldn't be her daughter, it just couldn't be

"Who are you?" She asked instead wondering if she would admit to being the cloud

"You know" Grace replied. Sam froze no it couldn't be despite the looks, the name, and the song it couldn't be.

"No I don't know" she said stubbornly watching as Grace disappeared and her father appeared.

"I am you father after a surreal conversation with him where he basically told her to go out and get Jack and stop waiting and be happy. Knowing he was right Sam found herself crying this could be it the end when it hadn't even begun.

Going back to the control room Sam sat there thinking about her and Jack when Grace turned up blowing bubbles, she was cute but Sam wanted Jack. As if he heard her he appeared telling her to pull herself together get off her butt and save herself more importantly he was willing to give it a go all she had to do was save herself and he'd be there. Sam knew he wasn't lying but had no more time to contemplate it as the ship alarms went off. Grace appeared and Sam lost all patience demanding she told her what she was doing their in she hope was a parental tone. As Grace delivered another riddle Sam focused on the bubble she was blowing it giving her a brainwave if she could only reduce the hyperspace window channelling it into a bubble. With that she ran to the hyperspace control station. She was mildly surprised that when she went into full techno babble mode Grace understood. She was even more surprised when it worked and she began moving through the cloud. She spotted the alien ship guessing that was where the crew was she moved into position in front of it.

All Sg1 began arguing making it hard to concentrate meaning she was grateful when Jack told them to shut up.

She then spoke to the ship waiting nervously as there was no response from the alien ship wondering if she was doing the right thing. Then everyone appeared Ronson demanding to know what had happened. With her head pounding and the threat that the alien ship could beam them all off again at will if she didn't react quick enough. She tried to explain what she was doing but saw Ronson had no clue so just promised to explain it later. As she released the ship Sam prayed they would leave breathing out a breath she didn't know she was holding. All the adrenaline seemed to leave her and she felt tired, old and her head was pounding. She asked to be relieved of duty barely able to keep her eyes open as 2 fit airmen helped her to the infirmary.

She didn't remember making it their, or the journey home but the next thing she knew she was waking up to the familiar sounds of beeps reassuring her she wasn't alone.

"Hey" a voice from beside her said, Sam smiled maybe she was back on the Prometheus

"Jack" She said remembering what she had promised herself life was too short to be alone. Jack of course hadn't been involved in the decision making so was suitably shocked at Sam calling him Jack. She apologised not knowing why but she was too tired to think now, Jack said about a massive concussion but Sam didn't hear.

"How long was I out?" she asked. Seeing his chance of revenge Jack started his version of techno babble but Sam's head was too painful to deal with it right now.

"Sir" she asked just cutting him off hoping he would give her a straight answer. After discussing a party they were throwing Sam took his hand

"Jack I don't want to wait anymore" She told him, Jack turned serious sitting back down on the chair

"Me neither" he admitted getting as close to admitting how hard the time was not knowing where Sam was and if she was coming back.

"I'll retire" he decided kissing her hand. Despite wanting to stay with Sam forever he knew had retirement papers to begin and Sam was looking worn out.

"Be back soon" he promised as Sam's eyes closed.

Sam drifted off to twinkle twinkle little star with a smile. Grace may be dead but this proved she was still with her in her heart helping her mum along. Forever

_WOW finished, I hope you liked the epilogue it was really weird to write I don't do it often but thought this needed something so I hope it has rounded everything off nicely_

_A BIG thanks to everyone who reviewed_


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